Sitting in my car, I didn’t know what to do next. The car was standing in the middle of the road. My phone was ringing. Someone was calling but I was just not in the state to answer. I didn’t want to think the answers to where I was, or where have I been or what have I done. After some time I realised I was unable to move. The shock was so intense that it had paralysed me. I couldn’t believe how, so suddenly, everything in my life has turned upside down.

A few months ago, I found out that my company will be shut down at the end of this year because of some stupid regulations made on the other side of the globe. My wife, after threatening me for months, finally left with the kids. Somehow, she found out about my latest fling with my secretary. I owed a lot of people a lot of money and not all of those people were as amiable as I would like them to be. Then, for the final blow, my business partners colluded against my back and started a new venture with our clients.

I was totally zoned out when I got into the car that day. The rain was pouring like hellfire. I was angry at my wife, my partners and at myself. I didn’t realise I was driving so fast. When the girl came in front of my car, there was nothing I could do.

Now, it had been at least 10 mins since I hit her. No other car went by since then. It was a late night and the rain was blinding so it seemed like a logical explanation. It was a high chance no one will come down this way. I tried moving and when I did, I got out of the car and turned around to see the aftermath. The skid marks from my car were clearly visible. Even in the rain, I could see the blood. The girl was lying on the road. I was rummaging through my thoughts to find my next step.

Then, the anger took over. I was literally at the bottom. Everything had been taken away from me. If I went to jail, I would have no choice left then to die and I wasn’t ready for that. I had to do something, something to make this all go away. So, I decided the body has to go. She was already on the side of the high road. Just a little push and she would’ve gone downhill, never to be seen by anybody. The blood would wash away and I would be long gone. I walked towards the girl, sat next to her and pushed her a little. A faint voice startled me. The girl was still alive!

I retracted a bit and looked at her. She turned slowly and stretched her hands towards me, asking me to help her. There wasn’t any choice left for me after that. I just couldn’t go to jail. It was either her or me. As I was the only one being able to make a decision, I made one for her. I pushed her down the hill and turned immediately, closing my eyes. I should’ve saved my ears from listening to that awful scream she let out while she fell down.

Today, as I’m telling you this story, I have a gun in my hand pointed towards my head. I still hear that scream. It’s stuck in my head and is just not fading. I have to stop it. This is the only way I know.